Amazing Spider Man #1 by Seasholtz/Taylor (aka ST COMICS)

The Uncanny X-Men by Seasholtz (circa 1982)

Ye Olde Man Den

This is where all the magic used to happen in Astoria, Queens! Most of this stuff is boxed up here in Philly in our "writing studio".

I'M LOVIN' IT!

Yes, I know YOU never eat there.
Yes, I know it's not good for you.
Yes, I know they are an eyesore in every city and 
    highway exit.
Yes, I saw SUPER-SIZE ME and guess what?

It made me crave two all-beef patties, special
sauce,lettuce,cheese,pickles,onions on a sesame seed
bun!

That's right, my friends, I will climb to the top of
Hamburger Hill and scream to the heavenly heavens. . .

I LOVE McDONALD'S!!!

I love the milkshakes that have no dairy in them
what-so-ever!

I love the salty pressed potato product they call
french fries!

I love the orange drink that has tasted the same since
the 1970's.

I love how no matter where I go, how far I travel, the
food always tastes the same.
How is that POSSIBLE?!?
It is truly a magical miracle of food engineering!

I love the Dollar Menu (even though everything in
Manhattan is $1.29.)

I love how they thought that a SCARY CLOWN was the way
to go for a CORPORATE MASCOT and that he has a huge,
purple, diabetic, mikshake stealing best friend named
GRIMACE!

I love buying Happy Meals so I can get the cool toys
for myself!

I love how they are re-modeling all of their "dining
areas" to look like STARBUCKS so people will want to
hang out there.

I love how there is always a gaggle of senior citizens
sitting in the "dining aera" drinking endless cups of
coffee.

I love the breakfast menu, and, I shit you not, If I
have to awake before noon there is a 90 percent chance
I will be eating a sausage biscuit with two hash
browns.

I love that feeling that when I am eating there, I am
eating with AMERICA, the whole greasy lot of them!

God bless us all!
We all eat there.
We have all eaten there.
We would miss it if they closed tomorrow.

So, up yours, Spurlock!
I'll never read Fast Food Nation!
You can't make me!
I deserve a break today!
So yes, I will take two apple pies for a dollar!
Thank you, Ray Kroc for making this country 3 billion
hamburgers strong!

Hamburglar!
You hungry half-wit!
Only you would be so bold (or stupid enough) to steal hamburgers in a land where Hamburgers grow on trees!
Where the mayor and the chief of police have hamburgers for heads!
No wonder they all hate you!
You live to eat their children!
You are the Hannibal Lector of McDonaldland.
Constantly, your best laid plans and schemes are foiled by a fucking clown!
Who is this guy, anyway?
He has no authority!
He's vigilante at best!
Walking around like he own's the place!
Rubble, rubble.

Grimace-
You're a sad sack.
A purple pile of poop with googly eyes.
Lordy, you love the milkshakes!
In fact, in your early days you would do anything for the frothy stuff.
You terrorized McDonaldland.
You had four grubby purple mitts that would grab as many milkshakes your diabetic paws would allow.
Then one day, there was a change in your icy purple heart.
You became friends with Ronald and less obsessed with milkshakes.
So much so that two of your purple paws fell off your tepid torso.
What happened Grimace?
Did Ronald sit you down and scold your cold ways?
Or, were you simply afraid you might die from a milkshake-induced heart attack?
We don't see you around much any more.
Not even in a box of McDonaldland cookies.
I'm afraid you have wasted away to nothing and now you look like a purple dildo with googly eyes.

Scrubbing Bubble (circa 1989)

I found this guy at a flea market in NYC. When I was kid, I used to think these guys were in the tub with me. This bubble is from an era when cartoon characters personified the product being sold. I guess that still happens today, but it's usually done with soul-less CGI which I hate. I mean look at this guy! He lives to remove grime and mildew from your bathroom and with a huge smile on his face! I assure you, I never look this happy cleaning our crappy pink tub.