Hamburglar!
You hungry half-wit!
Only you would be so bold (or stupid enough) to steal hamburgers in a land where Hamburgers grow on trees!
Where the mayor and the chief of police have hamburgers for heads!
No wonder they all hate you!
You live to eat their children!
You are the Hannibal Lector of McDonaldland.
Constantly, your best laid plans and schemes are foiled by a fucking clown!
Who is this guy, anyway?
He has no authority!
He's vigilante at best!
Walking around like he own's the place!
Rubble, rubble.

Grimace-
You're a sad sack.
A purple pile of poop with googly eyes.
Lordy, you love the milkshakes!
In fact, in your early days you would do anything for the frothy stuff.
You terrorized McDonaldland.
You had four grubby purple mitts that would grab as many milkshakes your diabetic paws would allow.
Then one day, there was a change in your icy purple heart.
You became friends with Ronald and less obsessed with milkshakes.
So much so that two of your purple paws fell off your tepid torso.
What happened Grimace?
Did Ronald sit you down and scold your cold ways?
Or, were you simply afraid you might die from a milkshake-induced heart attack?
We don't see you around much any more.
Not even in a box of McDonaldland cookies.
I'm afraid you have wasted away to nothing and now you look like a purple dildo with googly eyes.

Scrubbing Bubble (circa 1989)

I found this guy at a flea market in NYC. When I was kid, I used to think these guys were in the tub with me. This bubble is from an era when cartoon characters personified the product being sold. I guess that still happens today, but it's usually done with soul-less CGI which I hate. I mean look at this guy! He lives to remove grime and mildew from your bathroom and with a huge smile on his face! I assure you, I never look this happy cleaning our crappy pink tub.